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Relationship issues - peer support forum

 

Relationship issues

Do you suffer from relationship issues?

 

For a lot of people it's helpful to write down and share their story. This open forum is a great place for:

 

  • Getting things off your chest.
  • Reading the stories of peers.
  • Connecting with peers and responding to stories.

 

Read the stories of other people with relationship issues and share your story.

 

Overview of stories



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All stories


Looking for another kind of man (Story 7)

My story ends well, although I still don't have a relationship.

All relationships ended in trouble for me. In the beginning it was always fun. I found men that, according to myself, were on the same level as me, supported me and my study. I could often move in with them in a beautiful house so that I did not have to work next to my study, we went out for dinner, went on holidays etc.

But after a while the judgments started. I thought they were away from home too much, they were complaining about the expenses I made. They said things like you are selfish, you never think about me, you always push your own wishes through and even you are a borderliner.

Luckily a psychologist did not think so. He was nice to talk to, but I did not get any further. I was still looking for a man that could stay with me and love me and would go through the fire for me.

A friend of mine asked me to go to a relationship therapist. That was possible, also without having a relationship.

There I found out that I was on the wrong track because I was 'searching'. In stead of looking for a man that could love me, I started looking for a man that I could love. With her help, I found out what qualities that man should have, what would be important for me to find in a man.

In the mean time I've had a couple of 'never again' dates, one with a really sweet man. Warm, woolly, relaxed, with many characteristics I like. I go out with him sometimes, but this time I am not going to move in with him immediately.

This time I also have a good time with myself alone in a small rental apartment. I think I could love a man like him and I hope it is the other way around too. If this is so, then it is time to try and live together again.


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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Your story sounds sooo much like mine. Like, exactly. I don't know how old you are, but I can tell you, it gets easier with time. My story carried on, where yours stopped. I had therapy on my own for a couple months, a few weeks later, I met someone. I was determined not to follow my old patterns. Rather than move in immediately, I stayed on in my static caravan. We spent most of the time at mine, tho we stayed at his place some weekends, as he has kids from a previous relationship.

Almost exactly 12 months to the day after we met, I gave up my caravan and moved into his house. A year later, 2 years after we met, we got married. Now, 15yrs later, we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, he suffers with anxiety and depression, and the world we built together, our dream, is falling apart. We are constantly fighting and I fear my daughter will have a shit idea of marriage.

I don't know any "happily married couples" and I wonder if all this "relationship malarky" is really worth it. Sometimes, I think I still love him, but that feeling of love is buried waay under a load of crap built up over the years.

Be happy by yourself first. Love yourself first. Then maybe one day, when your "perfect relationship" starts to crumble, you won't be scared of being on your own again.

Anon
> 2 years ago

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I just don't know what to do (Story 11)

Me and my partner have been together close to 5 years we’re young lovers I’m 25 and theirs a 4 year age gap between us. My partner suffers with bipolar and has other mental illnesses that I’ve supported her with throughout the relationship. 2 years into our relationship I found out she had cheated on me and slept with somebody else we had a 3 month break but we got through it she proved herself to me and we got back together and went on to have 2 children together and a home of our own.

The last 6 weeks she’s became distant, she got 2 bunches of flowers on Valentine’s Day one off myself and another off her dad apparently until I found the card off somebody else whilst she was out on a date with this person, she had been in contact with him for 2 weeks but insisted that she hadn’t cheated this time,

I chose to believe her although I did find her actions unfaithful she went out with this person again once more I knew she had but she wouldn’t own up to it I lost my head and we had a massive fall out I cut complete contact with her for no longer than 6 days, she got in contact with me and told me she loved me and she missed me and just wanted me she was this person that I fell in love with again,

she says she’s been honest with me and nothing ever happened with this guy although they did go out with each other twice, I’ve seen her on two occasions since we’ve been back in touch and she throws herself at me showing me all the love in the world the love I’ve craved for this time she’s been distant,

I just don’t know what to do with my life right now if I wanted to give it another go then the choice is mine but how I can trust her all my life I’ve wanted a family I had it with her I can have it back but what if I get hurt again I just don’t know what to do maybe more time will help but at the moment I’m struggling I just feel like the trust barrier is gone

Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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My husband cheated on me (Story 10)

One month ago I found out via the neighbors that my husband is cheating on me. We are together for 21 years now and somewhere along the way I lost him and I didn't notice. Now I am in a grieving process.

Try to get answers, would like to have his love for me acknowledged and sometimes I'm also angry why did he do this and why didn't he try to solve it together with me.

He is very confused now, angry, sad. Would like to go on with me and look at the future, but I am not ready for that. He cannot support my with my grief and I cannot support him in his sadness because he is so confused. We have a time out now. All tips are welcome.


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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That must be very tough for you and for you two together.

When you don't manage it by yourself I would advice you to talk to a therapist. That can create a lot of space.

Also check the tips on this website. I'm sure there's somewhere there that can help you.


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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My partner betrayed me (Story 2)

My partner confessed that he betrayed be. This is in between us now. I find it hard to still trust her. She has not been honest with me for a long time.

But she says that it is over now and that she wants to stay a family with me and our kids. I find it really hard to accept what has happened.


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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I am going through the exact same thing!
Very tough on a 24 year long relationship in which I always thought: that will never happen to us!


Little anonymous
> 2 years ago

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Why do I always go for men that hurt me? (Story 3)

45 years old and single: Why do I always go for men that hurt me? Why am I not interested in normal relationship? If there is no reason, I create one.

In every relationship that means something to me, I face lack of self confidence. I cannot believe that I am also a special human being. I always feel that other are, but never myself.

Every time the same program runs: again it turns out you are not able to stay with a man. Someone like you is no good; any woman is better and more beautiful then you.

Who or what can help me?


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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Do you know the book "Finding Clarity" by Jeru Kabbal? He writes beautifully about that.


Yantra
> 2 years ago

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My partner is in a different stage of life (Story 9)

My partner is 15 years older than me and that was so far never a problem, but now that he is over 60, I notice that we are really in a different stage of life.

My partner is thinking about slowly quitting his job, while I am fully enjoying my career now that the kids are bigger and need less care.

I notice we are slowly drifting apart and I share less with him. On the other side I don't want to lose him. I do love him. I just miss the connection with him at the moment. I feel more or less in a split with it.

Who recognizes this and what has helped you?


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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Suddenly he realizes how much he has failed me (Story 8)

For years and years I took care.. of my husband, my kids. My husband always lost himself in work and sports and I always accepted that. Now I notice I am completely finished and I don't feel any love towards him anymore.

The point is, that because of that confession, he turned 180 degrees. Suddenly he wants to do everything for me and he realizes how much he failed me. I can almost not believe it.

I would like to believe it, but at this moment I can only feel anger towards him. How do we get out of this?


L.P.
> 2 years ago

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My wife has a postnatal depression (Story 6)

When our first child was born, my wife had a pastnatal depression. She has a really hard time. I see that and I try to support her to relief her as much as possible. But it doesn't change her depression.

Sometimes she is scared she will do something to our child. And sometimes I cannot even go to work. At work they show a lot of understanding, but I start to feel more and more alone in the relationship. Who has experience in this area as a partner?

My wife has medicines now and also psychological support, but I feel so helpless and lonely in this. I also notice that all the attentions goes to her and that people seem to think I will be fine. That's maybe also my own fault, because I find it hard to ask for help.

Who recognizes this and what has helped?


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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I don't dare to tell anybody about my relationship (Story 5)

Nobody knows that my best friend and I have a relationship. It just happened like that. My girlfriend had always known she was a lesbian, she told me only later.

But I am not sure if I am a lesbian. I am also not sure if I want to continue with her. It's all so confusing. I always pictured myself to marry with a man and have children.

When I continue with her, my wish for children cannot come true, I think. I don't dare to talk about my relationship with anybody, because my friends and family are not so positive about homosexual relationships. But my girlfriend wants to 'come out' and puts pressure on me. Now she is waiting for me. What should I do?


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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My partner seems to be a narcissist (Story 4)

I am married for almost 35 years and my partner seems to be a narcissist. I looked that up on the internet and recognized it immediately. After all those years I don't know anymore.

I suggested once to go to a therapist together. But he says: you go to a therapist, you have a problem, I am fine the way I am. I don't know anymore.


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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Married to a man, secret affair with a woman (Story 1)

I am a 36 year old woman, married and I have an affair with a woman. Nobody can know and nobody knows!

First we were just friends but that changed and now she means everything to me. I never thought I would end up in an extramarital relationship. I also never thought of myself as a lesbian. Although it never really worked out with sex for me. What a difference with the sex I experience with my girlfriend.

Nobody knows how torn apart I feel inside, I feel so lonely and misunderstood. Is there anybody that understands me?

I cannot break up with her, she is everything to me. But I also cannot go on like this. I cannot imagine I will ever come out to family about this. Not possible. Never. They will not accept it.

I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?


Anonymous
> 2 years ago

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