Looking for another kind of man

My story ends well, although I still don't have a relationship.

All relationships ended in trouble for me. In the beginning it was always fun. I found men that, according to myself, were on the same level as me, supported me and my study. I could often move in with them in a beautiful house so that I did not have to work next to my study, we went out for dinner, went on holidays etc.

But after a while the judgments started. I thought they were away from home too much, they were complaining about the expenses I made. They said things like you are selfish, you never think about me, you always push your own wishes through and even you are a borderliner.

Luckily a psychologist did not think so. He was nice to talk to, but I did not get any further. I was still looking for a man that could stay with me and love me and would go through the fire for me.

A friend of mine asked me to go to a relationship therapist. That was possible, also without having a relationship.

There I found out that I was on the wrong track because I was 'searching'. In stead of looking for a man that could love me, I started looking for a man that I could love. With her help, I found out what qualities that man should have, what would be important for me to find in a man.

In the mean time I've had a couple of 'never again' dates, one with a really sweet man. Warm, woolly, relaxed, with many characteristics I like. I go out with him sometimes, but this time I am not going to move in with him immediately.

This time I also have a good time with myself alone in a small rental apartment. I think I could love a man like him and I hope it is the other way around too. If this is so, then it is time to try and live together again.